Moon Over Savannah
Not only are you at the mercy of the individual pubs ( and their bartenders), but you also have to factor in crowd control within your respective group (hey, they ARE drinking), as well as external crowd control. And it is that last factor which can make even an experienced pub tour guide break out in a cold sweat. Or hysterical laughter, as the case certainly was last night.
I had led my pub group to our next location, and had begun my story with my pubgoers facing a large window, looking into the bar. There was a large table right inside that window, filled with 20-something men and women. As I talked, everyone on tour got a stunned look on their face, including the 85 year old grandmother who was in the group. Then everyone burst out laughing. It was one of the few times that the tour guide was NOT in on the joke.
Turns out, one of the young ladies at the table had apparently consumed just enough 'liquid courage' to do something mischievous. In full view of my group outside, she had dropped her pants around her thighs and proceeded to rub her (I am told) very attractive bare bottom on the glass next to me. Needless to say, story-time was over; there was no recovering from that sort of display.
In one of life's great moments, I knew exactly what to say. You know, the comment or retort that usually occurs to you weeks later, when it does you absolutely no good at all? This time, it came to me. I quickly stepped inside the door and said, "Ma'am, it was so nice making your acquaintance. In fact, I'd LOVE to see more of you!"
Not to be outdone, one man on my pub tour outside raised his glass and yelled, "Bottoms up!"